Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century

Glossary of specialized terminology

Battle Mustache

A mustache designed for war; also mustaches grown in anticipation of war. (War'stache vulg.)

Barelipped

A poor unfortunate who does not or cannot have a mustache; depending on context this is a term of derision or pity.

Beard-fancy

The intial stage of the mistake of growing a beard. It is a precipise that can be back away from.

Beardism

The vile preference of raggedy beards over the clean and sublime mustache.

Business Mustache

The work-a-day mustache for both the working class and decent gentlemen.

Comb

A gathering of three or more mustaches where the mustachioed outnumber the barelipped by at least two to one.

Closed Loop

An under- or overhand twist that it loops back into the mustache itself.

Facespanner

An impressive form of the Handlebar that stretches the width of the face.

Fletcherism

A cult whose members practice eating habits that can bring about a mustache wasting disease.

Oh, fiddle'stache!

An exclaimation meant to convey that the utterer considers the subject in question to be balderdash or poppycock.

Handlebar

A mustache grown to have long sides that is held rigid by wax or other products to keep it from dropping below the mouth. Term originated amoung shocked travelers who were gravely assualted when natives mistook their faces for bicycles.

North American Hook-beaked Mustache Swallow

A horrible creature that attacked gentlemen's mustaches in order to line their nests. Thought to be thakfully extinct.

Moustache

Foreign variant of mustache. Primarily used in opium dens and other houses of ill-repute where no gentlemanly facial hair would ever find itself.

Overhand Twist

The twisted end of a handlebar mustache that curves upward toward the eyes.

Soupstrainer

A mustache that extends below the lower lip. Also known as The Nietzsche.

Underhand Twist

The twisted end of a handlebar mustache that curves downward toward the jaw.